Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
