My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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