he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
