It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
