i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
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I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
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Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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