i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Randomize
