Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
this is an emotional support booty call
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
