i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
She even gives head with a lisp.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
you inspire me to be a worse person
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
