if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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