I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
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We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
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I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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