All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
