Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
