I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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