mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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