i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
