I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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