I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
