We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
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How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
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