Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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