I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
