THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
