why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
