They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
