you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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