So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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