I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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