You can't motorboat a personality
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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