Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
