You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
