By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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