I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Actions speak louder than pants.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
