Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
