Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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