This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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