we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
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We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
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My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
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