I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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