Dual....:-)
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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