Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
