shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
