He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
