he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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