Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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