You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize