I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
