What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
