I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
