you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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