I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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