just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
