Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
