Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
