My entire life is one complicated drinking game
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
