My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Randomize
