Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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