we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
