I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
