I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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