Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
