I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
