I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Randomize
