i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
