I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
