Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
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He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
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Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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