Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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