I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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