Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
What drink are we having for lunch?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
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