As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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