Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
