i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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