I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
