Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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