Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
