So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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