What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
where are you?
Hypothermia
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
