Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
