This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
