help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
