Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
