morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
