Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
