Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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