Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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